So today I have been trying to lay a lot of the ground work for going back to work on Wednesday. I am currently typing this whilst trying to gather enough physical and mental energy to get out of the bath.

I was pleasantly physically tired after my volunteering shift earlier. My muscles did protest most vocally after being idle for around three weeks following a pounding from covid . It is very clear that my strength is still not quite what it was.

Progress, however, is being made. I have now got out of the bath! Seriously though I almost feel like I am physically able to go to work on Wednesday and do well at it. With this though the old worry and anxiety just tries to sneak back in.

What if you can’t? It asks. Sometimes sneering. Sometimes just genuinely curious. When it is curious I respond with ‘well lets wait and see.’ When it is sneering I have to answer honestly. I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.

I know I should be kinder to myself. I have my regular counselling appointment on Mondays and this does invariably come up. It was not an easy session tonight. Productive definitely but it has now left me mentally exhausted.

I knew it was very likely I would end up feeling like this today. In a way it was necessary. Time to rest tomorrow. A day at a time. Little by little.

Work on Wednesday.