Today I made hash for lunch. I just needed to use up the potatoes and the deli meats left over from Christmas. I hadn’t thought about hash in a long time. Not so a few years back.

This restaurant seemed all about hash. Best seller at brunch and lunch. The prep was never ending. It was hash prep that resulted in me getting a bollocking for being ill. I was ill. Too ill to be in work. It was acknowledged that I was ill and still I was shouted at for cutting the chorizo too slowly. I defended myself. Of course I was working slowly I felt really ill. I was told not to answer back. Just like a child. I was a woman in my early 30s at the time. In a place of work.

“Don’t answer back”

Everyone says that kitchens are better now than they used to be and of course that is the truth. Maybe though the bad old days are not as old as I think.

The hash was delicious though. I roasted the potatoes with paprika and oregano. I fried the bacon, the salami, the chorizo until it was beautiful and crisp. The eggs were fresh, organic. Blissfully golden yolks. Just a little hot sauce. It was comforting after the cold morning. It took me no time at all to cut the chorizo.

Simple Spicy Tomato Sauce.

This is ideal for a super quick midweek pasta. It’s made with fresh tomatoes so its lovely and light with a good bit of warmth from the chilli.

Ingredients

1 Onion Finely Diced

5 Big Fresh Vine Tomatoes

1 Red Chilli (seeds in or out up to you)

1 Tsp Tomato Puree

Pinch of Smoked Paprika

Salt and Pepper to Taste

Sweat of the onion in plenty of olive oil, add in the paprika and the chilli and season well with salt and pepper.

When the onions are nice and soft add in the tomato puree and fry for a few minutes.

Meanwhile, roughly chop the tomatoes.

Wizz up in a food processor and add in to the onions.

Bring up to the boil and let it bubble for a few minutes. Serve with your favourite pasta.

You can get creative with the basic sauce. Try adding in bacon, mushrooms, sundried tomatoes, red peppers, a little lemon zest or any herbs you like.

Have fun and enjoy!

And a happy new year!

Happy new year lovelies I hope everyone had an excellent holiday time, whatever they were doing.

I’m really excited to kick off my new Bex Basics series with something I have always enjoyed making, gnocchi! Whether a big weekend batch for a busy hotel or just a dinner at home for me and T. It does take a little bit of effort but the end product is totally worth it. Plus if like me you never grew out of Playdoh it’s great fun!

Without any further ado

Gnocchi

6 Medium Potatoes

Strong White Flour

1 Egg

1 Large Handful Grated Parmesan

Small pinch Baking Powder

Herbs (you can use whatever you fancy but for me oregano, rosemary, thyme or any combination thereof is an absolute winner)

Salt and Pepper to taste

First preheat your oven to 180 and bake the potatoes in their jackets for around 1 hour.

When the potatoes are fully cooked through carefully cut them in half. Please don’t burn yourself but be aware that the potatoes are easier to work with when they’re still warm.

Use a spoon and scoop out the flesh from the potatoes. Put into a large bowl and mash thoroughly.

Leave the mashed potatoes to cool down a bit then add in the egg, parmesan, herbs and baking powder. Season well with salt and pepper.

Next add in your flour. How much you need will depend on how the potatoes are. I usually end up using just over half the amount of flour to potatoes. We’re looking for a smooth dough that can be easily rolled out into sausages on a floured surface.

My best advice is to mix with your hands. You’ll soon get a feel for how the dough should be.

Pop your biggest saucepan full of generously salted water on to boil.

Now comes the fun part. Roll out your dough into little sausages. Pinch the roll gently between thumb and forefinger then cut through the roll with a good sharp knife. Then just pinch and cut. Pinch and cut until you have a surface full of gorgeous little pillows.

By the time you finish rolling the dough your saucepan should be boiling. Have a large bowl of ice water on standby.

And it’s time to start cooking. First get YouTube or Spotify up and put on the popular sea shanty What Shall We Do With the Drunken Sailor.

Wait OK what?

Ah got you, OK confession time!

You don’t actually have to do this. It’s just a silly tradition I have…

Seriously though there is a little bit of method to my madness. We now need to blanch our gnocchi. Using a slotted spoon, add a few gnocchi into the boiling water. When they are ready they’ll rise and float on the top of the pan. Hooray and up she rises! Early in the morning!

As soon as the gnocchi float scoop them out of the boiling water and straight into the ice water.

Drain them well.

At this point you can coat them in a little olive oil and store in the fridge or freezer until needed.

When you need some gnocchi just get a non stick frying pan good and hot (defrost the gnocchi before using if they’re in the freezer) and add in some oil.

Fry the gnocchi until good and golden brown.

Serve with lamb chops and pesto or with your favourite pasta sauce.

You should probably have switched music from sea shanties to Dean Martin at this point.

Enjoy!

I’m going to be starting a new series in the new year. ‘Bex Basics’ where I’ll be sharing some of my favourite basic recipes and techniques. Please comment if there’s anything you’d like me to feature!

Sit on a bench?

And cross,

Your ankles,

Behind you?

Then.

Quickly.

Right them again?

Just in case.

You forgot.

Got up,

And fell?

This is something that has been on my mind a little bit as I have been getting better. Anxiety is, of course, a mental illness and yet I have always been fascinated by the way it affects me physically.

A panic attack for me always starts in my fingertips. That one back in the summer was so bad I could barely walk.

I’m better now. A lot better than I have been for a long time.

Still frightened to cross my ankles behind me though!

For all my favourite KPs

Everyone who has ever worked in hospitality knows that a good KP (that’s a Kitchen Porter for all my lovely non hospitality readers) is the backbone of the kitchen.

Chefs are OK. Trust me I know I used to be one! But what is a chef without a clean pan to cook in? Without a clean plate to put it on? Here’s to the good folk who keep the kitchen moving.

I have been lucky enough to work with some incredible KPs over the years. All ages, from all over the world, from all walks of life. It’s a tough job. Not everyone can do it. It’s hot, it’s wet, it’s cramped. It’s constant physical activity. The chefs always need something. ( Demanding lot as they are!)

A good KP is a joy to find and a pleasure to work with.

I have been out of the industry long enough now to start feeling a bit of nostalgia. I am home from work again at the moment. Yeah I’m not going to have Mental Health in the next life thanks. I’ll give it a miss.

Seriously, though, I am on the mend once more, and I will be back to work on Monday.

Today, though, I made a chocolate cake. For old times’ sake, I thought I’d have a go at some sugar work. I am pretty rusty, but I did manage a couple of spirals and some threads. Beaming with pride, I fired off an excited photo and message to T.

Then I started cleaning the kitchen. First, the dishes. Now I am pretty sure I apologised to every KP I have ever worked with when I brought them a caramel pan. Today I apologise again. Guys! I am sorry. Caramel pans are the worst!

Blessed are the dish washers.

How’s your day been lovelies? If its been anything like mine it started out badly then got worse from there. As days go I’ve certainly had better. I’ve had worse too mind don’t worry.

The old soul has been troubled today. Come 7pm it definitely needed a bit of soothing. Luckily slow cooked lamb tagine was on the menu. I love a slow cooked lamb dish and this tagine ticks all the boxes. Minimum effort maximum flavour.

Ingredients

Lamb ( a large lamb shank was plenty for me and T) or use a half leg or a shoulder

1 Onion roughly cut

1 Red Pepper roughly cut

1 Bulb of Garlic (but always with your hearts people, always measure with your hearts)

1 Pack Baby Corn

Handful of Dried Apricots

2 Preserved lemons

1 tbsp Molasses ( I used mulberry molasses but whatever you have is good)

1 tbsp Tomato Puree

2 tsp Honey

Ras el Hanout

Cinnamon

Cumin

Salt and Pepper (all to taste)

1 Pint lamb or chicken stock

Handful of ground or flaked Almonds

Pre heat the oven to 130o

Add everything except the lamb and the almonds into a tagine dish.

Season the joint of lamb well and seal in a hot frying pan

Put the lamb in the pot with everything else.

Cook on 130o for 2 hours

After 2 hours add in the Almonds and turn the oven down to 100o

Cook for a further 4.5 hours until the lamb is fall off the bone tender

Serve with cous cous or flatbreads or of course both! Who doesn’t love a double carb!

If you don’t have a tagine dish a slow cooker will work just as well. 2 hours on high 4.5 hours on low.

It’s good for you this one and not just because it tastes nice.

Then why does anxiety have to be so ugly. Now we don’t take too kindly to toxic positivity around here. Don’t take too kindly to toxic negativity neither.

OK hold on what was that first line again? Yes. I know! I know! That definitely sounds like a pretty toxic statement.

There’s so much value tied into human beauty that the word ugly has almost become a taboo. When you dare utter the u word. People will rush to deny it. People will try to correct you.

People. There they go again loving you.

And once again I am not saying that they shouldn’t. One of my biggest troubles with trying to overcome my anxiety has been trying to move away from meeting it with scorn and contempt and moving more towards treating it with kindness and compassion.

Cough cough, first line, cough.

Yes thanks I get it.

The thing is though is that anxiety can look physically ugly.

When I’m slumped on my kitchen floor, with my unwashed and unbrushed hair. My ugly old grey dressing gown. My pale tear stained face.

You can be kind to me (I mean please please do be kind to me.) I can be kind to me.

But let’s be realistic here you can’t say at that moment that I look beautiful.

This is the reality of what anxiety can look like.

Anxiety can feel ugly. Anxiety can act ugly. Anxiety can certainly look ugly but what do looks matter? Let’s treat it with kindness anyway.

After all whatever our mental health looks like aren’t we all worth more than our physical beauty?

Hint, yes. It would

So I’m going to be perfectly honest here. Mental health wise. it’s not been such a great week for me. On the surface I am fine. Logically I am fine.

Nothing wrong. Just a normal human here. Yeah just me a human. Humaning normally. Nothing to see here.

“It’s only a matter of time before they find you out you know”

Thus spake my brain. All week.

When nobody was looking.

The thing about people.

The one thing.

About people.

Sadly.

You can’t get away from this thing.

The thing about people.

Is that they love you.

To people you are the stars in the sky, the light in the tunnel. The cream in the coffee.

The problem is that I’m lactose intolerant. I of course am joking. But not about the lactose. That’s a serious matter.

No the problem is not that people love you. The problem is that you are constantly told to love yourself.

I have written about toxic positivity before and I have to say that the idea that you need to learn to love yourself . That to me is a top five answer.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t love yourself of course. If you do, that’s awesome. If I know you I’m sure I love you too. If I don’t hell I probably still do!

This is the thing. I love lots of people.

But I don’t really love myself.

I don’t usually hate myself anymore either.

When my mental health is bad what I aspire to be is a normal human. Humaning normally.

What I aspire to do is look at myself in the mirror and say

“Damn girl. You’re doing Ok”

If loving yourself sometimes feels like a tall order then that’s OK. You don’t have to. Despite anyone telling you otherwise.

Other people love you. I promise you that.

To yourself.

Give a little smile.

Give a little nod.

You’re doing OK

*sings*

Oh wouldn’t it…

Be adequate!

Another one for T

It was on our walk.

Sunday before lunch.

This time we heard the squirrel.

Before we saw it.

Listen.

I said to you.

A bird?

You asked.

No.

The squirrel.

I laughed.

There are days,

That I regret ,

Just how late we met.

You smile

Benevolence.

I am good at.

Patience.

Not so much.

We met.

You said.

When we were supposed to.

Two years ago.

We saw the squirrel.

Before we heard it.

Late as it was.

We still have things that we learn together.

Like the sound a squirrel makes.

In loving memory of Anthony Bourdain

Yes indeed dear restaurant folk I know what you’re thinking. About time you paid a tribute. Rest in peace chef. You are truly loved and truly missed.

If the Mario’s crew ever got hold of some of these rubes they’d have the fillings out of their teeth. So said the late great Anthony Bourdain in Kitchen Confidential of the kids he was at the Culinary Institute of America with.

Chef Bex thought of these words and smiled a knowing smile.”They’ll get there she thought.” Chef Bex. She put a kind hand on a trembling shoulder. She said take a deep breath. She said, “the more you do it the easier it gets,” morning, noon and night. She meant it.

Office Bex?

Well office Bex is one of these rubes. Office Bex finished her new job training today. Office Bex starts her new job properly tomorrow. Office Bex is a little scared.

Of course they won’t have the fillings out of her teeth. I mean for a start she hasn’t got any.

Joking of course. It just isn’t that kind of place. Everyone is super nice. Everyone is supportive. A big day will always be a big day. A first day might be the biggest of all.

But with the right hand on a trembling shoulder.

You’ll get there.

After all. The more you do it the easier it gets.